11 January 2007

Get Thin or Die Tryin'

These days everyone is obsessed with losing weight, but that takes time, effort, and will power. One truly creative reader offers some sound advice. Her blogger profile can be accessed here: http://anna-skywalker.blogspot.com Here is what she has to say:

Lets face it, ladies. Thin is in more than ever! Look at all those overexposed bony women in the media--Kate the No Weight, Nicole the Pole, and Paris Fatless. I know with your demanding classes and the beloved fermented malt beverages, it's tough to keep your body looking lean and mean. At the same time, you don't want your badunkadunk to interfere with your once-in-a-life-time opportunity of getting with that fly frat guy at a party... Have no fear. Here is my opportunity maximizing advice.

1. Wear well-fitted bootcut dark denim with about 8" rise and longinseam. If you have pale thunder thighs, avoid wearing a short skirt.Instead, well-fitted (not too tight that your fat oozes out of yourjeans or too loose that your butt looks saggy) dark denim definitelyslims down your thighs. 8" rise, which is not a low-rise, prevents thevile butt cleavage from making an embarrassing guest appearance at aparty. Bootcut leg opening gives aesthetic balance with your thighs. I know skinny jeans are so hot right now, but they're called skinny jeans for a reason-- unless you're skinny, your hips will appear ridiculously w i d e and your legs will resemble two backward equilateral triangles. Anyway, this dark denim look is perfect for the winter.

2. Slip on a sexy pair of dangerously tall heels. They make your legs look longer and sexier, but more importantly, your width/height ratio falls, making you look thinner! By the way, the long inseam is to cover your f*ck-me heels.

3. Dust a bronzer on the side of your muffin top. Having a darker tone on the side of your hips gives the illusion of having a more defined waist and less junk in the trunk area.

4. Stand up straight; stick your chest out. Good posture is a key signifier of confidence, and nothing is sexier than that. Besides, having your breast more prominently on display certainly removes focus from your jelly belly.

If you follow my advice, you will go from looking like this:

to looking like this:

FAT chance of having a hot stud approaching you at a party now? I THINk not!

Leave feedback for Anna and her post here or send to her directly: